I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
