We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
