I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
not ubering you a puppy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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