how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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