Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
