sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
third nipple confirmed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
