Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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