well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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