I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
