I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
