Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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