if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
