Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
