Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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