I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
