there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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