I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
