mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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