yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did you just send me my own nude
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
