Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
