its not stalking. its research.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
