She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
