Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
