I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
