grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
