I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
