I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
