I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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