Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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