Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
