whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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