In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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