ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it's like iHOP with fire
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
