well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
