im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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