Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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