ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you never un-have a 4some
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
