i already hear my dad disowning me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
