Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
