I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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