we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
