Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
