im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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