Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
