Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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