I want to have your abortion
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
