i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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