just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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