Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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