Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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