high people should be assigned attendants
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
