Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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