quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
