I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize