I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
