She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
