My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
