Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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