Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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