yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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