meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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