Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
