I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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