I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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