i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
