My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
