we're blogging at a bar
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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