Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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