well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
